Yeah... so it turns out I was a bit depressed. Apparently it's not normal to want to spend your entire life curled up in bed, to be unable to see past four o'clock, let alone make plans about the future, to want nothing more than to fall asleep and stay that way.
Sometimes the OCD seems so huge, so utterly enormous that it eclipses everything else - and there was something else. The OCD explains the counting, the endless thoughts, the checking and the ordering, but it doesn't explain the despair, the utter apathy. Someone commented on my last post that perhaps I was suffering from depression, and the answer is yes...
So under strict orders (and quite a lot of threats) from near tetherless parents I mentioned to my Psych that I might not be on quite the right balance of medication. Turns out I wasn't. So she added my new best friend, Clomipramine and within a week I was feeling brighter, I was able to crack a smile without feeling like my face was frozen solid, I could think past lunchtime, I was actually able to leave the house.
And here I am, a month on and feeling good. Not only is my mood immeasurably better, but I feel so much more able to apply the CBT and make good progress with the OCD.
Not a terribly eloquent post, but hey, I'm happy.
Obsessively compulsively yours,
Bellsie
That's excellent news. Well done for hanging in there and getting things sorted out.
ReplyDeleteWondering whether you are on a combination of medication, or just Clomipramine.
I'm on Paroxatine for OCD and depression. I've just started following your blog, and just recently started blogging myself.
Really pleased you are feeling better.
Thank you... I'll add your blog in a second!
ReplyDeleteI take Sertraline, Risperidone and Clomipramine. I did start off on Paroxetine but it didn't really do anything for me...
Look forward to hearing more from you in the future...
B xx
You’re not alone. Everyone has issues, whether it’s mental illness, addiction, or anything of the sort. I’ve found that Silver Hill, a substance abuse and psychiatric hospital, has some really good information and resources. Talking/blogging about these things can be extremely helpful not just for yourself, but for others in need. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that your depression is being addressed! My therapist said that many people with OCD suffer from depression--that in fact the OCD may even trigger depression because of the exhausting demoralizing symptoms. I had depression for a long time before I realized that it was possible to treat it. Hope the CBT is going well--extra energy definitely helps.
ReplyDeleteAh, very cool to read this entry. I was the "Anonymous said..." who suggested something more, like depression, might be going on.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've got a diagnosis, and treatment :)
At least I found to take enough time to read your blog, to understand what you lived this year. And I have to admit that it was not simple, not at all. I think it is clearer in my mind now, I hope I will find time to call you soon :)
ReplyDeleteLife starts again for ya ! ;)
David K.